Here, said Jim, pointing pipeward. It all goes in here. Jim was pointing at a very large metal pipe in our town’s water treatment plant. It was by far the largest pipe in a room full of large pipes. He rapped the side of it with his knuckles, and the low sound reverberated throughout the cavernous, pipe-filled space. Now that’s a pipe, said Jim, rapping it again. Now that’s a goddamn pipe. But then  where does it go? I asked. What now? said Jim. Where does all the sadness go

Agnes was practicing her calligraphy. I said it was strange to do so considering all the alien spaceships in the sky. Agnes said, What are we supposed to do? Cry about it? I said, Well, no, but widespread panic might be in order. I pointed out the window. See? I said. See how they run? Maybe we should be out there running, too. Yeah, said Agnes, but where to? Where do those people think they’re going? Agnes made a very handsome curlicue with her fountain pen. I had to admit s

If you enroll in the “Learn How to Pretend to Know How to Play Guitar” class at the YMCA and, in the process, actually learn  a thing or two about how to play guitar, the instructor will get very cross with you. OK, shit, that’s not  what this class is about, they will say. Look, hotshot, do you want to learn how to play guitar? Like, for real? Do you really  want to learn? If so, Brian Carrava’s “Learn How to Actually Play Guitar” class is right down the goddamn hall. Right

It was the building of a button factory that begat all the rest. That was back in, oh, aught-nine, I believe. Soon after the button factory went online, a zipper factory cropped up, followed by a belt factory. A rubber band factory was not so far behind. The production of velcro and twist ties ramped up accordingly. A factory that made both staples and pushpins was soon erected on the outskirts of town. Next, in rapid succession, were machines that made cuff links, laces, lat

She became known as the painting astronaut. When in space, she would paint the Earth and sometimes the moon. The media was fascinated with her. What do you think the painting astronaut is up to right now, Lydia? they would say on our favorite morning news show. Well, let’s take a peek inside the capsule and find out, Paul. My bet is she’s painting! The painting astronaut had an easel and a canvas set up in the cockpit. A palette. All her paints. A smock as well as a replaceme