Rock Tumblers

Everyone had brought their rock tumblers.

Correction: almost everyone.

Steve, said the team leader.

Yes? Steve said, looking up from his magazine.

Where’s your rock tumbler?

My what?

Steve was playing dumb, a role he had just about perfected over many years of being a total dipshit.

Your rock tumbler, Steve, said the team leader. What do you think?

Steve looked around the room. By this point, everyone had turned off their rock tumblers.

Correction: almost everyone.

The discordant rumble of a single rock tumbler filled the airspace of the otherwise noiseless auditorium.

Alice, said the team leader.

Yes? Alice said.

Turn off your rock tumbler, said the team leader.

My what?

The team leader crossed her arms. God, these assholes, she thought. These rock-tumbling idiots. Why am I even doing this? I didn’t want to be team leader. This office was forced upon me. I don’t even like rocks or the machines that tumble them. I need to learn how to say no.

Margaret? Blanche said. You OK?

No, said Margaret firmly, but she did not elaborate. By this point, Alice had turned off her rock tumbler. The tumbling slowed and then stopped. She had a nice big piece of granite-looking motherfucker cooking in there. Oh, how smooth it would be when its tumbling was complete! Alice could hardly wait. She wanted to turn her rock tumbler back on so bad. But everyone else’s was still off. Alice’s finger hovered over the on switch. But she didn’t press it. Her ability to deny herself this pleasure was exceptional, though it would go unrecognized by the rest of the team, of course.

Steve certainly didn’t mind that the attention had been taken off him for the time being. Maybe for the remainder of the meeting no one would even mention the fact that he didn’t have his rock tumbler. He didn’t like being the center of attention. He always chose the most nondescript of trousers. His rock tumbler was back at his apartment, sitting atop the washing machine. He could see it in his mind’s eye. He’d been in such a rush to leave that he’d forgotten it there.

Alice’s finger touched the on switch but did not press it.

The team leader walked off stage and out of the auditorium. She kept going, all the way to Texas.